To the person whose book I called “an absolute stonking stone cold future classic” in my quote. I'm sorry, I did not read your book, I did not have time. And now you're crying in a bush because it's getting remaindered and only sold 10 copies and five of those were to your mum and you can't work out why when the reviews were so good. I wish I had read your book, I probably would have liked it.
The couple at number seven,
Your party looked like fun, your friends all left laughing and joking. I don't know who called the police about the noise, it wasn't me, and Kath at number three is deaf, so it couldn't be her. It's a shame it caused a row and now you won't be at the street party. I think your probably better off. Mrs Kent at number ten has made her trifle again, last time it made us all sick. I'll wave if I see you at the window.
Bob, whose lunch I accidentally ate.
I am really sorry Bob, the label had come off and we have the same tupperware from the 90s that somehow has survived a million trips through the dishwasher. I didn't even know what was in mine. I just took it out of the fridge at home and brought it to the office. I hope you enjoyed it.
Dear Maurice,
It's funny, getting a letter from the pen pal I had in school. I had sort of forgotten about you. How's France? Still slightly nicer then England, but full of French people, as my dad would say, I bet.
Luckily my parents still live at the same address, it was really nice of you to photocopy all the old letters and send them, the photos were great, I can't believe we were so young when I spent that week with you on the exchange trip. Is your hair still long? Thanks for including your email address, it's so much easier than those letters.